Clarity

07-15-2022

c/w - self-isolation/social withdrawal/priority check

Now mind you, I don't mean the kinda clarity like a "moment of clarity" in the vain an alcoholic would (which I am btw I'm 5 years clean off drink (still smoke up 420 tho)), but instead is a sort of renewed outlook on what it is exactly I should be focusing on and how I should take action in one area or the other. I've, maybe, not been the most personable friend right now. Went through a bit of a breakdown among a circle of people i'm close with, over things we wouldn't have known of the other or have even talked about , yet at the same time maybe should've at more appropriate times much earlier smfh.

It's hard to reach out when people snap when you try to, and I can't put that on someone who's faced a good deal of that throughout their lives, but yet they have reached out despite that upbringing. I'll admit, coming from a backdrop where things don't exactly come across off the bat and to the point as well as being a person who'd rather be direct and matter of fact, thing is I haven't been attentive at all. I feel fuckin' bad. Same time, I shoulda spoken up about what's been goin' on.

Why is there such a stigma about bringing shit up or reaching out for a helping hand if you notice something's not quite right and you wonder or ask about it? I ask that, but then when I'm asked if everything's all good, I'll go ahead and give a very glib vague status like "getting by" or "alright enough" like tf, be expressive, be vulnerable quit fuckin' closing in. This is somebody that cares about you, you dolt.

Welp. That's my occasional dose of self-reflection, introspection, and along with observational narrative and some stream of conscious mindframe.I don't wanna keep y'alls attention, or whoever is reading this. I suppose I needed a place to pour this all out.

Need to do better

~ T a k e i t E Z ~